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I am happy yet tired at the same time. Second half of 2005 just feels like yesterday; perhaps I've not moved on with time. I hope I could do well for this system but I don't seem to know the subject well enough. Wishful thinking, I just want to go through the lecture notes for the second time. It's rather strange for someone in my shoes to aim for 4.0 but a journey of a thousand miles begin with a step right. And this is my first step. I need to grow more academically since there's nothing much left for me in life. 3 years and 8 months to go. Provided I get through all my papers. *tick tock tick tock* Then what?

Religion remains a question mark
Relationship remains an illusion
Entertainment is not entertaining
Not interested in having flings
Sex is disguisting.

Just like how Dr Cameron explained it in House M.D.

Sex COULD kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm
like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it UNBELIEVABLY fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.

I am 21 yet still in limbo. I can't integrate my thoughts, feelings, perceptions, instincts (dont ask me to justify this), upbringing, values, experience in one vehicle. In the first place, can this even be done man..

Life itself is meaningless. It's empty. Living is what makes life worthwhile, and what kind of living should I live. Tough cookie.
In the mean while, I am emotionally drained and sick of anything which involves human interaction. No man is an island; let be me no man then. With time, I grew colder and colder. Perhaps, with little hope in mankind, life would be much easy going.

No, I am not depressed. I am not in stress.
A little confused but shall just ignore my feelings. At 3.27am, nothing feels right.

Signing off.