I've spoken so much to myself, more than I ever did to anyone.
I no longer have the courage to open up to anyone
let alone to subject myself to vulnerability.
I thought I would die of loneliness; but I am still alive.
I thought I would die if my world falls apart; but I am still breathing.
Are tears a mark of weakness?
Yes. Definitely.
Tears echo vulnerability.
I hate every single drop of tear I shed.
It's nothing but a reflection of my bleeding heart.
I hate it.
I hate it that no matter how much I forbid myself I still cry.
'NO! Don't. Not even a single drop. You can do without it.'
and the next thing I know, my pillow is wet if not my lecture notes.
Sigh.
Exams are getting nearer and nearer.
I wouldnt want history to repeat itself
Trying hard to control my emotions and
not intending to consume the medications I have for anxiety
My God is bigger!
I am begging God to get me through EOS5 for He's my only source of strength and courage.
I could not find what it takes to trust anyone else; except Him and Him alone.
Day by day, I am pleading God to lead me to Truth.
Or at least reassure me that I am praying to a living God.
1 comment:
(Just found your comment today)
Tears are not a sign of vulnerability. Can't always believe what society says to be true. God does not want us to be easily exposed to any element this is why He gave us an layer of protection called emotions. The deal is not to wallow in the ones that can lead to very destructive behavior. If tears in any sense were so bad, why did God create for us tear ducts. Trust God. And trust that the life that He has prepared for you will in fact get more interesting when you ask that His Will be done in your life. Many God be with you forever. amen
fay.
and what person in their right mind doesn't talk to themselves?
Post a Comment