Anxiety

I think I am having very bad panic attacks over the past few weeks. I just feel so doomed, so shit. It's not funny when you can feel your heart races at 200000bpm ...(okay I am exaggerating here but that's really how I feel.. but then again, not that I know how 200000000bpm of heart rate feels like)... I am scared. All I want to do is to find a secret place to hideeee...All these stimuli is really bad for my psychological health. I wish I could find some quick fix for it. benzos.. benzos.. i want benzos..where can i find my friendly neighbourhood benzo peddler.. damn it damn it..I want to be calm. I want to be confident.

I think I should pray my rosary more often. I am upset. I broke the Novena. I am scared.

Hail Mary, full of grace. blessed be art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb jesusss...
oh god.... i am really going crazy again... so much.. oh helpp ... helpp .. helpppppppppppppppppppppp..

sigh.. another 50 minutes before the next class begins.. i should be studying.. fuck .. STUDYING~~!!!!

SIGH!!!